Where the ball goes

What if I did not choose to go and study fashion in Milan, I would not have tasted the sweet of falling in love for the second time. What if I waited three more weeks before accepting the job offer here in St. Moritz, I would have been in Shanghai right now and I would not have seen my own mirror. What if I picked different parents to be born in this life, I would not be who I am today. What if I did not listen to my stomach, I would be still in the same place all this years with no experience. The what if is the roulette of life.

Invisible arrow

It is so easy to take something especially somebody for granted. It hurts. And it is all my fault because I am the one that doing it. Not something nor somebody. Only me. And I am hurting myself.

In return

Love and kindness are always reciprocated. True. So where I am today is the result of good I have done in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Small next to you

From my bedroom in the present form I have a view of a beautiful mountain. Its top is like two faces, a man and a woman, facing the stars. I named the female face mountain Olivia. This massive mountain reminds me of one specific day that I knew very well. It was a cloudy day. I had two mountains in a corner of our house. This mountains were clothes to wash by hand. There was not enough soap to do so. Nor water. I had no help to fetch it. And my biggest concern was where to hang all the clothes to dry. I was blaming myself for creating the mountains of clothes to wash, for not having the money to buy the soap, for not having somebody to help me to fetch the water, for not having space enough to hang the clothes to dry and most of all for not having help to do the washing. The night before seeing the mountains I decided to put them in priority. Priority meant then to be done with. So as usual I woke up before the rooster and I started to do my daily routine. I set the fire on to boil the rice for my sister and little brother. I put a bucket of water underneath the kitchen sink where my sister did go first thing to wash her little face. I started to fetch the water to start the clothes washing. I started with my sister's white petite clothes because they did not take so much space to hang to dry and she needed changes. I thought being small clothes they would dry faster so I could take them down to fold by the time I would start hanging the clothes of my father and little brother. When my sister woke up she washed her face and changed her pajama to white linen and short pants and with a big smile she announced that she was ready for her day to start. I took a pause from the mountains. I told her to go and wake up little brother. I started to invent breakfast. It became rice and sugar. Sugar costed a lot so I waited for them to be sitting down facing me and to let them see when I put the small amount of sugar on the top of their rice bowl to content them. I did not prepared a bowl for myself to save food so I took some from my sister's while she was talking. Little brother was not a morning person so asking for help to do the clothes washing would start an argument early in the morning. So I just looked at him and asked him what kind of game he was going to create for the day with his friends. The question used to wake him up and he started to small talk about the game options he had in mind. I let them go from the table after they finished their bowl of rice. I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Then I was back again to the mountains that were waiting for me. When I sat down and before continuing washing I had my eyes on my sister talking with her little friends and little brother telling his group of friends about the game that he was thinking about I could calmly continue my washing. I remember my hands were getting white and hurtful but I could not stop otherwise the mountains would never finish. Then it was almost time to invent lunch and I could not give my sister and little brother rice and sugar again otherwise I would destroy their fun of breakfast. Looking where my sister and little brother were playing I shouted to them to come home and clean up themselves for lunch and I took a pause from the mountains. When they entered the house saw their dirty clothes from playing and saw them throwing their clothes on the top of the mountains in the corner of our house. I closed my eyes because it seemed impossible to decrease the quantity of clothes to wash. While they were cleaning their little faces I started to make rice cookies of the left over rice from the morning and put salt over it for taste. I had one rice cookie and a heavy heart.

Universe in one hand

GA NA DA RA MA BA SA A. It took me one week to write and memorize this eight letters in Korean. One week to find one point writing this letters without looking at them turning up side down. One week to find the equilibrium in this letters to have them straight. God created the earth in six days and rested in the seventh while I learned eight letters in Korean. I feel powerful.

Broken nail

Famous quote not saying what it means for real. Confusion sight. More question marks. A girl's laughter asking for attention. Lips colored red to be seen. Sadness of people walking by without noticing what is needed. Watching one foot at a time each step taken. With no sense of direction at all. And we all say we do not go where we want to. Good at pointing a finger and not knowing the four fingers pointing back on us. Easily forgetting the Karma.

I am doing as I am told

A nice weird day. Every time I turned my head my eyes caught flashes of symbolic images. Semblances of information that are poking the sleepy little me. Her eyes are open. Watching. But still with the blanket around her. What do I do to make her get up ask the adult me while enjoying her glass of amarone della Valpolicella 2010 figuring out the how. Have another glass of your favorite red wine answers the little me. And the adult me is agreeing.